Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize