some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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