I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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