Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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