i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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