I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
