Pappa wants mamma naked
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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