It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
