So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
