he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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