I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
