so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
