get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
