i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
