if you like me you must not know who I am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize