I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
