i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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