I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
