I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
