do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't deserve a penis
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
