Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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