Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
