you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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