sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
