I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
