put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my poor anus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
