I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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