I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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