when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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