I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
