if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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