yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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