How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
