dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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