After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
