The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
