You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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