Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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