Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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