i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
