dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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