I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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