dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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