is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
