Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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