I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
two words...techno handjob
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
