Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
