thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
