Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
