i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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