mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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