I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
