What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
