from now on my penis is your penis
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
