my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize