They should really pass out barf bags in church
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
