No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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