Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
