Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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