the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
