I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You pole danced in your parka.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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