maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
