Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
