I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
