he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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