your parents love me but you hate me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
