that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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